Planes, Trains and VRBO - low stress travel with kids

We love to travel as a family. Our children each had their passports by the time they were six months old, and we also take a lot of car trips, domestic vacations, and quick little overnights to places that wouldn't seem thrilling to a globetrotting grownup, but which our kids love. They don't know that going to Ft. Worth isn't the same thing as going to Reykjavik.

Books and websites on family travel abound, but here are my top ten personal tips for stress-free travel with very young children (under 5). Note: these are all focused around reducing stress. If you are looking for tips on how to have adventures, go read Willa's World (sidebar). M&J really know how to adventurize! Me, I love to experience their adventures as a spectator and a dreamer, but I'm not up for having any like that just yet. Maybe in a couple of years. . .

Also, I've yet to do a Europe or Asia trip with kids, so I can't offer any tips on lengthy flights. We'll find out in May how we do with that when I take E to Madrid. Can't wait!

1. Do it. Start early. Take some practice runs to grandma's.
Like anything in life, if you start traveling early with your bab(ies), both you and they will get good at it, and fast. I remember the first flight we took with E, to San Francisco. She was 2 months old, and pretty easy, but I had a major case of nerves and poor JP had more gear to carry than he could handle, half of which was unnecessary. We all got through it okay, but we learned a lot about her and ourselves that made the next trip smooth as chocolate pie. Taking your first few trips to a place where you have a lot of family/friend support will ease the arrival stress and give you extra help when you need it. Also, taking short overnights is less intimidating. If you can be back home in 45 minutes, who cares if things aren't perfect and you decide you've had enough - less investment equals less guilt at pulling the plug. We did this once when we took E camping at 6 months and it was hot and buggy. Packed it up, headed home.

2. Cities over resorts/remote locations in the early years. I think I'll have to do a whole 'nuther post on why urban vacations are fabulous for kids, but bottom line is: people actually raise children in cities. They don't raise them at resorts. That means that everything you need to entertain/feed/gear up your child is going to be available right when you need it and at normal prices. Park with swings and a sandbox? Right around the corner from your flat (see #4 below). Diapers in the middle of the night or forgot the paci? Downstairs at the mercado. Top-notch pediatrician on the metro route? Oui! You go to a resort, you either pack it all in yourself (stressful!) or you pay top dollar for it (more stressful!). If you are the kind of vacationer who stays at the Four Seasons in Bali and has a nanny who travels with you, then never mind, but for the rest of us, a city rocks.

3. Pack as light as possible and rent or borrow equipment at your destination. This is especially important for airline travel. You're going to have enough to deal with keeping up with your children. You don't need 23 different other things to keep track of. You can buy diapers when you get to Chicago, no need to pack a week's worth. In extreme cases, you can pack a box with clothes and supplies and mail it ahead. We even rent car seats (some people disagree with this tip, but we've always had good luck). Even if you are traveling to a resort, you can call ahead to reserve a crib and who knows what else. I also like using a backpack carrier instead of a stroller. Our travel backpack is a Kelty kind of like this one but with a removable pack. Using a backpack gives you hands free to carry other stuff/keep ahold of another kid and reduces the number of items you have to manage.

4. Rent a house or condo with a washer and dryer/kitchen. This cuts way down on what you have to pack, and makes mealtimes more calm because you can prepare at home at your pace. Eating three a day out with kids? Not with mine, thank you. A lot of these rentals will also have high chairs, cribs, and other gear (our place in Seattle even came with a stroller!), obviating the need to lug that darned heavy pack-n-play cross country. We use HomeAway/VRBO for U.S. travel and I am pretty sure we got a Costa Rica house and our Montreal flat there as well. Out of 10 or so rentals, we only had one negative experience and even that wasn't too awful (it involved New Orleans, a 100+ year old house, and roaches. Forgiveable, given it was pretty soon after Katrina). The folks you rent from are also founts of knowledge about the area, whether they are a property management company or the actual owners. You can correspond with them ahead of time and find out all kinds of goodies. You'll usually also be staying in an actual neighborhood, which makes you feel mighty local mighty fast, and puts you in the center of kid-related resources you might need. At this stage, we only stay in hotels if there is no other option, or it's a stopover on a longer road trip.

5. Take a diaper bag with a bit more stuff than you need for the expected duration of the flight, "just in case." This is completely contrary to #3, but having a full day or so of basics on your person helps ease the transition when you land, as well as prevents you from becoming one of those stuck on tarmac with no diapers horror stories.

Here's what I packed in my diaper bag for a (summer) flight to Costa Rica when the girls were 1 and 3. I had already sent some basics ahead with JP and it was a short morning flight, so this is more streamlined than usual:

Wipes
10 diapers S
Extra change of clothes for E in baggie
Extra change of clothes for S in baggie
Hand towel
Extra ziplocs
Lunch x2
Snacks x4
2 books (1 board)
2 Toys
etch-a-sketch thingie
coloring book and crayons
Baggie with: Sunscreen stick, Insect spray, After Bite, Benadryl, Tylenol, diaper cream, Neosporin, bandaids
Antibac handspray and hand wipes
Travel bibs/spoon/bowl
Sun hats x2
Wallet, passport, cell phone, cash
Travel affidavits and passports for girls
S water bottle
E water bottle (buy water after checkpoint)
DVD player, 2 movies
toothbrushes and toothpaste

6. Substantial advance planning. Make lists, check twice. Visualize each step of getting to your destination. Talk to your pediatrican ahead of time about any unique health concerns about destination. Confirm and reconfirm shuttle/transit plan/rent car, car seat (this is huge), etc. Leave for airport early. Anything you can plan for, do. Think of all the "what ifs?" and discuss a game plan. You'll not only feel more relaxed, you'll reduce the chances of getting derailed by something unexpected. I know this also reduces the discovery/excitement/spontaneous thrills of the travel experience, but I'm all about low stress at this stage. Plenty of time for going with the flow when they are older.

7. Pack adequate activities and (non-sugary, high-protein) snacks, including (gasp!) a DVD player. Look, I'm all for minimizing screen time, but rules go out the window when I'm trying to keep 2 toddlers sane on a plane. By myself. Did I mention I flew to Costa Rica by myself with them? I am still proud of surviving that one. Save the DVD player for after they get bored with the other activities, and be prepared to stay engaged and change things up every 15-20 minutes. You may not have to, but be prepared. Alternate activity, snack, activity, snack, repeat as needed. Don't even think about trying to read a book unless you have a baby who falls asleep after nursing on takeoff. Actually, babies are easy - they will play with anything, including, for some reason, the flight safety info cards. That once kept E busy for 20 minutes.

8. Don't fly at weird hours. This is contrary to some conventional wisdom that says you should fly with kids during their customary sleep times so they will sleep on the plane, but I think this is b.s., at least based on personal experience. Unless they are tiny babies, 90% chance they won't fall asleep and then you're dealing with demons. And while we are on the subject, can we put a stop to the trend of people showing up at the airport in pajamas? Eesh. Science has given us jersey clothing for a reason. For pete's sake, put some leggings and a cotton dress or shirt on you/your kids. It's just as comfy as pj's and you are teaching them respect for fellow travelers.

9. Take your car trip breaks as picnics at rest stops and playgrounds (small towns always have a cute little city park right off the highway, just get off at the main exit and drive around or ask directions from the fellers at the feed store), not restaurants and especially not sit down restaurants. Kids need to run off some energy and the fresh air will do all parties good. Not to mention that you will pack much healthier and cheaper food that whatever you can buy at a roadside restaurant. I used to think our parents were just cheap for packing picnics instead of letting us eat at McDonald's, but I now I see how smart they were. Also, consider scheduling some drive time after toddler/preschooler bedtime. They'll pass out in their car seats after dinner, and you can knock out 3-4 hours of driving while they are asleep. This also makes transfer to the night's sleeping destination a breeze. On our cross-country road trip last summer from Austin to Seattle, we did this 3 out of 4 nights, and it really helped.

10. Keep your sense of humor. When you are covered in spit-up and food and who-knows-what-else, and your child just offended someone in the next row and you are mentally taking inventory of the possessions spread around your seats, it helps to laugh and imagine how much fun tomorrow will be. The children feel that too - as your stress evaporates, so will theirs.

As a bonus tip, here are three safety thoughts for once they are mobile:

1. Before you go out for the day, take a photo on your phone of each of your kids in what they are wearing at the time, standing next to something for scale.
2. Put an id bracelet on them with your cell phone number(s). We use those disposable ones you get for concerts/events, but in extreme cases I guess you could always just write your number on their arm in sharpie.
3. Go over the rules for toddlers, the number one being "stay close to mama/daddy." Make a song or game out of it or something.